I guess I just don’t have good luck with fish though. So it’s probably for the best that I’ve only ever been fishing once. A few years ago I thought it would be a good idea to get a few pet fish. I liked the idea of getting stoned and staring at them for hours every night. I needed a new hobby. I started telling everyone I talked to about how much I wanted pet fish and how amazing it would be. I acted as though I was letting people in on some incredible secret I had stumbled upon.

Eventually, after telling enough people, my friend Darren told me that he had a fish tank and some fish. Coincidentally, he had been trying to get rid of them. He couldn’t find anyone to take them. I couldn’t believe my luck. I asked him how much money he wanted. He said I could have them for free. He said he would bring the fish and the tank by my house in a few days. I wanted to kiss him on the mouth. Continue reading


I’ve only ever been fishing once in my life. I always had a minor interest in the activity but the only time that I actually got to cast a line was when I was nine years old. My father took my brothers and I over to his friends trailer, which was just off the shore of a gorgeous lake. The lake stunk, and the water was dirty. There were broken, dead trees surrounding it, a rusty old sailboat in the water and it smelled of decay. A beautiful thing. Continue reading